When it comes to seducing women, and I mean the best quality females – the ones who are the ‘total package’, with smarts, personality, and looks – any kind of insecurity-based behavior is a total turn-off.
And by the way, this isn’t something that ‘acting’ confident can fix. Very often, when you see a guy who’s putting on this big show of confidence and making a big deal of it, he’s actually just trying to cover up some sort of insecurity.
AND IT’S OBVIOUS.
When you’re trying to ‘get something going’ with a woman, you have to be able to demonstrate a lack of insecurity. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you go and ‘peacock’ and try to be the center of attention, grabbing her arm and ‘impressing’ her with card tricks and things like that. It just means being capable of being laid-back, as though you couldn’t care less what she thinks of you, and being able to be relaxed and comfortable in your own skin.
When it comes to women, that kind of behavior – the subtle but genuine kind of confidence and lack of insecurity – tends to be a real magnetic force, the real art of seduction. In other words, it “attracts” them. Now, the kind of guy who’s set on proving something to everyone (that he’s The Man, that he’s the Life Of The Party, etc) whether that’s through ‘peacocked’ clothes or loud behavior, isn’t actually attractive to most females.
Granted, he may attract a certain type of women… but that’s not necessary the ‘caliber’ of woman that you’re even interested in attaining. (Usually, the women who find that sort of behavior attractive are the ones with some major ‘security’ issues of their own.)
It’s an interesting and paradoxical fact that the harder a guy seems to be trying, the lee likely he is to get what he wants. Take a guy who’s trying to impress a female, and she’ll be repulsed.
Take a guy who could care less, who’s just laid back and going with the flow and not putting on a big show to impress anybody – a guy who’s engaged in authentically being himself – and females are going to be drawn to that.
Clearly, insecurity is a big turn-off. And the behavior that most guys tend to affect when they’re attempting to cover up an insecurity actually just highlights. It’s no good ‘acting confident’ unless you’re good at ‘acting it’…and in all honesty – hate to say it – but most ‘acts’ are pretty transparent. It’s far more effective in the long run to stop focusing on the ‘quick fix’ (i.e. ‘faking it’) and actually work on being more confident, and on actually overcoming insecurities for real.
I know I’m always pushing ‘authenticity’ down your throat, but that’s for a reason. It’s because that’s what will get you the life and the dates and (eventually) the relationships that you want. ‘Faking it’ in the short-term is OK as long as that’s not your long-term game plan.
I know that PUAs (pick-up artists), and those in the pickup community, push ‘lines’ and ‘routines’ and ‘techniques’ and so forth at guys as ways to rapidly ‘overcome’ issues with self-confidence and esteem and basic social abilities. And when I first started reading their hype, I was fooled…AT FIRST.
Then I kicked myself in the a** and remembered that it’s just that – marketing hype. In other words, selling the stuff that sounds appealing to most guys. And what sounds the most appealing to the average dude? INSTANT GRATIFICATION.
That’s why just about wherever you go, you won’t be able to get away from the message that ‘faking stuff’ is ok…because that’s the message that people want to hear. And thus, that marketing hype sells, and makes a lot of profits, because all these dudes out there who are hungry for success and affection and sex and relationships (in other words, about 98% of the male population) believe that it might be true. But it’s not. It’s a crock.
Techniques and cover-ups won’t get you success with excellent women long-term. being demonstrably excellent yourself will. That’s the bottom line.
So to sum my point up: if you’re one of those guys who tends to act insecure (you’ll know if you are or not because you’ll FEEL insecure), you need to get a handle on it if you want to attract excellent females into your life. End of story.
